Weblog

Tuesday, 08 February 2011

  • Forty Turns Reflective

    My SIL just informed me that turning forty gives a person many excuses for many things--forgetfulness, clumsiness, attitudes--you name it. Sometimes I hope my mind returns some days when I'm trying my best to remember something or recall an incident and suddenly I remember--oh, that's right, I'm forty now, so I have a reason for this Alzheimer's feeling. :)

    Turning 40 this year for me was such a combination of feelings and reflections--my mom didn't live to see her 40th birthday. She was too young to die--my age almost exactly. As my birthday was approaching this year, I felt myself growing reflective. What thoughts were in her mind when she thought about leaving behind all her children at such tender young ages? Did she think about the fact that she probably wouldn't live life after 40? How would it be to be so sick and helpless and watching your children grieve your dying and not be able to do anything about it? Many thoughts about her life have been on my mind this year.
     
    Sometimes I close my eyes and try to remember what she looked like and how her voice sounded. Her image has become so fuzzy in my mind after these 25+ years. It seems so long ago that I saw her and touched her and heard her voice. How I long for that again! One wonderful night, I dreamed about my mom and in my dream, she was just as I remembered her--her blue eyes, her nicely-shaped nose, her smile, her voice--her whole self in great detail, every part was chiseled again in my mind. She looked so happy and she spoke to me so gently that I remember waking up wishing and wishing even hoping that it had been true.
     
    But it wasn't. Even so, I want to focus this year on my blessings. I feel blessed to be healthy, to be looking forward to life after forty, and to dream about the futures of myself, my husband, and my children. This was something my mom never could realize in her lifetime. My dad told me some time ago, that when Mom discovered that she had cancer, she told my dad, "I want to live to see my grandchildren." That was her dream, cut short when she passed away when her oldest was only 16 years old and I was 13.
     
    So, now, I'm embarking on an unknown territory. I've actually outlived my mother. Such a strange thought!  How I wish many times I was more like her as I remember her personality, her patience, her wisdom, her unfailing love for her LORD. She is my hero! What would it be like to relate to her as an adult? How would have her life influenced me if she had lived? Would have her living changed who I am in any way today? So many questions that in my lifetime will never have answers. Questions I continually have to commit to the LORD and find peace in letting them there.
     
    My prayer today: Lord, mold me more into the godly woman you want me to be! How I long to be more humble, more patient in suffering, more like YOU! I fail so many times from being what I wish I was! I feel my human weaknesses. Make me more in your image every day, Father!

     

Monday, 13 December 2010

  • 40 years? but I still feel young.

    And so the looked-forward-to ten days is history—but oh! such good memories. Surprises are abounding this birthday (do you think it has anything to do with turning 40?) I was so looking forward to my sister Esther’s visit, combination birthday gift for me and extensive dental work to make her trip pay for itself.

     The morning she was to arrive, I offhandedly mentioned, “Wouldn't it be funny if another one of my sisters came with Esther to surprise me?” But I knew that wasn’t so since I saw her itinerary and there was only one ticketed passenger. So I thought! As I craned my neck to watch Esther come out the double doors, I didn’t notice another head hiding behind her back. Gina!!! What are you doing here? I was so surprised. We went to McDonald’s for lunch and lingered, quite unusual for my Smucker husband. Finally, I mentioned that we should get these tired travelers home. John said, “Well, there is actually another flight we are meeting, but it is delayed for 3 hours.” What in the world? So we trundled back to the airport and sat and talked and slept and drank coffee and talked some more. Finally, another sister, Joleen appeared. Three of my five sisters came to celebrate my 40th. I found out that actually mom and all my sisters had been invited to come with Esther, but one by one, they backed out.

     We had such a great week—grocery shopping, buying tights and outerwear, and eating kebabs, a cold day in Warsaw when they all bought their Polish hats to keep their ears warm, market day in Minsk buying sweaters and eating zapiekanki, lunch with Irena our old neighbor in which she served us sour rye soup and we sang Christmas carols—very entertaining indeed, sewing for Alli, cooking and washing dishes, good conversations, lots of laughs and giggles, lots of sister time, and  trips to the dentist. (Btw, if any one needs good dental work done for cheap, here’s the place. I think Esther figured she saved herself at least $2000 and that was including the price of her ticket.)

     My comment—it was all I ever dreamed of and more. To top it all off, the day we ladies were in Warsaw drinking E. Wedel hot chocolate and touring Old Town’s Christmas bazaar, my dear husband with help from the team, whipped up a smashing party for me inviting all my Polish friends. It was terribly sweet. Lolita made a favorite of mine-Bavarian Torte and they all celebrated me really good. I was so shocked since it wasn’t close to my birthday yet. They all gave me money towards a sewing machine for myself. I’m excited about having my own machine after 9 years of sharing with the rest of the women here. I was quite speechless to be such a center of attention, but I felt very loved.

     Gina and Joleen had to leave a few days earlier than Esther, since Esther had to make sure she allowed enough time to get her two crowns and bridge done.  It was sad to see them go. I know the rest of you sisters are sad you didn’t come, but we sure lived it up and had a great time. Sorry you had to miss out. It was so fun to show Esther my last 9 years of my life. She now has a better picture of how we live and who we are involved with. So glad this trip happened.

     Last night, John informed me that the surprises haven’t stopped yet. He is taking me next weekend (the weekend of my birthday)for a little getaway in our favorite town, Kazimierz Dolny, and has rented a cute little room at a Bed and Breakfast, named “Room in the Garden.” Does that sound romantic or what? I’m so excited about that. Can’t wait to just have some time away. Even Jesus needed time apart, and I’m indeed feeling the need of some alone time that, of course, I don’t mind sharing with my dear husband. John has gone way out of his comfort zone to make this birthday so special in ways that I love to be loved and he has done a fabulous job. Thanks, Hon!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

  • Ode to My Little Sister--Soon a Mother

    Sara, what a fulfillment of a dream you were to my 11-year-old heart. My best friends and classmates Carolyn and Sharilyn had baby sisters. I had none. I remember longing for one with all my heart. Then one day, Mom took me aside and with shining eyes told me that I would have a baby sister or brother. I was ecstatic. I remember riding to school that day on the old bus, “the crackerbox” and my heart was light. I had something special to tell my friends today. Wouldn’t they be surprised. I remember gathering them all in a huddle before I made my big announcement. “Girls, guess what?” “What?” they all said, eyes wide open. “Mom’s having a baby.” I’m not sure what I expected them to do, but if I remember correctly they didn’t seem all that surprised. Why should they be? At least Carolyn had several younger siblings and what was so special about a baby? “Oh, you have no idea how it will be,” Carolyn said, shaking her head, knowingly, “You won’t be excited for long. Babies are sooooo much work.” I didn’t care! I was going to love my little sister or brother and I would work overtime if it meant I could have a baby in our house like the rest of my friends.

    The night of your birth, I don’t remember if I knew exactly what was going on, but I do remember seeing the doctors’ and midwife’s car in the driveway before I went to bed. I was awakened by Dad coming upstairs and telling me, “Laura, you have a little sister. Her name is Sara Jolene. Would you like to come down and see her?” Sara…the name sounded strange to my lips. We hadn’t had any new names in the family for six years. I thought I was going to like it. I hopped out of bed and grabbed my hot pink housecoat and headed downstairs in the middle of the night. There was mom propped up in bed with a little bundle of dark hair cradled in her arms. I remember leaning over you and mom smiling tiredly and saying, “Do you want to see her?” and the wonder I experienced of sweet little you. I felt so grownup when Dad allowed me to stay up with our hired girl, Mary Kropf, to watch you the rest of the night. Now, today, I realize that Dad and Mom were probably exhausted and were glad for a reprieve. I sat on the big recliner and rocked and rocked you, suctioning out your little nose and mouth several times. I knew I would never get tired of you.

    And I had a baby to proudly tote around after church now, to show off to my friends, and she was mine, all mine. I don’t have so many specific memories of your babyhood, but I do remember that many times I had to chose between doing jobs for mom and taking care of you. I always chose babysitting. I suppose you were a bit doted on, but who could blame us? We had prayed and prayed for a baby.

    I remember you loved to mimic. One day, we found a tiny covering out in Smith Seed’s parking lot. What fun you had with that itty bitty thing. It was just like big sister Laura wore and perfectly fit your little head. I have a great picture of you wearing that and neighbor boy Raymond standing proudly in the background. Such a cute miniature couple!

    One year in school when you were just a toddler, I sewed you a pink dress as a project for school. I put lots of time and love into those seams, and if I remember right it turned out quite nice. Grandma Kropf and Aunt Joyce did a lot of sewing for you and also cared for you during Mom’s sickness. They counted you as a very special little girl.

    You have always been special to me, I suppose because of the fact that I had a hand in helping to raise you. I remember after Mom’s death, Dad suggesting the possibility of me dropping out of school to care for you. It made me sad to think of missing out on my schooling, but I would have gladly done that because of the love I had for you.

    But God had other plans and I’m thankful to Him for the love and care that Mom Ruth gave you during your childhood and growing up years.

    It has made me so happy to see you grow up into such a lovely woman. How I would love to be there and see you now as a first-time mother! The love you received as a child can now be showered upon your new little one and he/she can experience this circle of love.

    Sara mimicking big sister Laura
    Sara folding
    Marcus and Sara playing
    Sara n Marcus
    Sara sharing a book with neighbor boy Raymond, now her brother-in-law :)
    Sara w book
    Sara talking to Daddy on the phone
    Sara w phone

Sunday, 11 April 2010

  • 9-11 for Poland

    How can you comfort a nation that is grieving the loss of a large number of their leaders? We are still in shock with the tragedy that happened in neighboring Russia. Around 90 Polish people in government were killed in a plane that crashed while trying to land in dense fog. Included in that number were the Polish president, Kaczynski and his wife. People around us are somber. One man told us that the whole army of Poland is without leaders because all of them were killed. Another friend of ours works for the army, so she knows seven of the generals that died. For her the shock is real. This isn't about politics or terrorist acts, this is about people who have lost their lives--the 911 of Poland. How would you feel if you heard Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, and many other high up officials were all killed in one plane crash? The president’s body arrived back in Poland today, that is Sunday.

    People are thronging to the president's palace in Warsaw to lay flowers, light candles, and pray. The sad part is that God is so far away in so many of these people's lives. Their religion is their comfort. How can we minister during a tragedy such as this? Hasn't Poland suffered enough in its history? And the president and all his cabinet were traveling to commemorate the massacre of a huge number of Polish officers 70 years ago. A good deed. In a time like this, the enormity can overwhelm us. Is God really in control here? Can we really trust that God knows what He's doing? Our friends are grieving. How can we help them?

    We enjoyed an outdoor Easter service on our patio last Sunday. It was a truly special time of commemorating the resurrection of our Lord. We spent a lot of time singing, hearing testimonies from our Polish friends, and after dismissal, the children put on a short finger-puppet presentation about the women going to the tomb. We all enjoyed lunch together and the day was so beautiful that we were able to eat outside. I think everyone enjoyed strolling through the trees and the children had rides on the boat in the scummy pond. Thank you, Lord, for other Christians with whom we can share together on such special occasions.

    Lavern's family left on furlough on Tuesday, and we are beginning to feel the busyness of trying to keep all the loose ends together. Pray that everything will go smoothly. We ladies were talking this week and have come to the conclusion that there is never a good time to go on a ten-week furlough. In the wintertime, someone has to keep your furnace going and your pipes thawed. In spring, someone has to mow lawn and keep up with the outside work. In summer, someone has to do your garden work--weeding, harvesting, etc. None of us have tried an autumn furlough, but probably there would be leaves to rake, etc. And of course, there are always legal things to deal with, mail to sort, bills to pay, and spreading out the mission work of the missing team members. It isn't always easy, but we're glad for all the willing hands that we have here to help out.

    God has been really opening doors for us in the recent past. Halina, a long-ago friend of mine, has recently wanted more contact again. She is really confused about where God is in her life. Pray that she would search for truth. Another former student and her husband are recently interested in studying the Bible with someone. We're hoping to organize a regular time to do that with them. Another friend of the team has recently wanted more English. I have begun meeting with her every Thursday morning, trading English for Polish. I'm not sure where that will go, but I'm praying God will be glorified somehow.

    Conrad had opportunity to meet with Michal, a neighbor boy from where we used to live. They got together for Coke and chatted for an hour or so. I'm glad to see Conrad making this effort. They used to spend time together when they were younger and hadn't seen each other for quite some time.

    And, of course, from time to time, we have the chance to help out our former neighbors. The other day I went and hung curtains for her. They are always so glad to see us and we're happy to keep up the friendship. She treasures the book of pictures I gave her before we moved and I'm glad I took the time to do that for them. That will be a great keepsake for them to remember us by. Just Saturday, we were invited to tea with our new neighbors here in Marianka. They have been friendly, but not easy to get next to. They seem to want a relationship with us, so we are hoping for more opportunities for that.

    Spring has finally arrived in Poland and with that comes work on the outside of our property. John had been working faithfully on my kitchen cabinets, but with the weather turning nicer, that project has gotten put on the back burner. We were able to get our first little flowerbed done outside, much to my delight. We bought some heather plants at a local nursery and then covered the bed with small, white decorative stones. It turned out very nice.

    The boys are excited to see a real basketball hoop being installed on the pad outside the garage. For the last year, they have been using a hoop that was nailed to tree near the pad. It provides an opportunity to shoot hoops, but with the uneven ground, dribbling and actually playing real basketball can be rather difficult. This past Saturday, John and the boys put the first metal pipe in the ground and poured a 6-8 inch pad of concrete around it. The boys can’t wait to get finished. They hope to have it usable by next weekend.

    John just started tutoring another English student. He’s probably about his age and speaks English quite well. It’s not that John needs more to do, but it is enjoyable to have a student to just be able to sit down and chat with.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

  • Currently
    Sheffey DVD
    see related

    What Kind of Christian Am I?

    Jesus said, "If any man come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me...What does it profit a man if he gain the WHOLE world, yet lose his own soul?" I was pondering these verses this morning since I was sick and at home from church. What is Jesus saying? Is the Christian life a burden? Is there no joy, there but only cross-bearing? How many times are things in this world hindrances to our Christian life? Is this the abundant life Jesus talks about in the gospels? Why are we so opposed to "taking up our crosses"? Is it because we have chosen the "easy Christianity"? When things face us, do we just do what every one else is doing or do we stand up and declare that Jesus has asked me to take up my cross? Daniel purposed in his heart not to defile himself...it takes courage and much strength from God to stand alone under pressure from the world around us! I am so challenged by these words:

    "God never forces His will on men.
    He calls them unto himself, but if they will not follow Him, God lets them have their own way.
    Every time we give up a part of our faith, to try to fit into the ways of the world, we lose it forever.
    We lose a precious part of God's promise.
    Sacrifice to the world, and the world will NEVER give it back.
    And one day when the world tells us we can no longer have our religion,
    and God is driven from our schools, our government, and our homes,
    THEN God's people can look back and know that our religion wasn't taken from us.
    It was given up, handed over, bit by bit, until there was nothing left..." --"Sheffy"--"The Saint from the Wilderness"

    Lord, make me worthy to be a follower of you.

Top Tags

[no tags]

bubblingteapot

  • Visit bubblingteapot's Xanga Site
    • Name: Laura
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 2/4/2006

About Me

  • My husband and I have four wonderful children. Three sons: Conrad (14), Austin (12), Derek (9), and my one daughter: Allison (7). We moved to Poland as missionaries five years ago. I am kept very busy homeschooling four grades as well as helping my husband at our new English school in our small town. I have done some private English tutoring, and I love that. It has brought many new friends into my life. I love meeting with friends for tea and chatting about our lives. When the winter winds begin to blow here in Poland and winter vacation comes, I like to put the work aside and curl up and read a good book with my children. I feel blessed with my husband and family. They have made my life full and worthwhile.

Groups

[no groups]

slideshow

Pulse

  • Waiting as the days float by on wings...waiting for our moving day...seems an impossibility with school ready to start again...

Chatboard (1)

  • bubblingteapot
    Hmmm! Wish I had time to post on here again.